Answer Me This...

Three of the most basic coaching questions are:

Where are you now?
Where would you like to be?
What's stopping you from getting there?

So, where are you now?  What does it feel like to be you on a daily basis? Take a minute to think about your current circumstances.  Are you financially behind? Are you overweight and frustrated?  Do you seem to have it together on the outside, but feel yourself crumbling on the inside?  Are you living your daily life with anxiety?  Are you unfulfilled? What are the things that are currently in your life that you wish were not there?  Go ahead and make a list.

Okay, now to the second question (this is much more fun to think about).  Where would you like to be?  It may be helpful to give yourself a time frame here, so let's say in 5 years.  Do you want to be a homeowner or move to a new town?  Would you like to have a different career?  Be 30lbs lighter?  Own your own business?  Living anxiety free and comfortable in your own skin? In a healthy relationship?  I'm just throwing out ideas here, but take a moment to really think about what you want your life to look like in 5 years.  What are the things that are currenty NOT in your life,  that you would like to show up?

Believe it or not, if you actually DO what I suggest with question two, you are already ahead of the curve!  Most people like to complain about where they are, but don't give much detailed thought to where they want to go. But here's the thing, you'll never get there if you don't know where THERE is!!!

So now that you know where you are (and can feel the discomfort of it), and you have a pretty good idea of where you would like to go (and are probably feeling the excitement of that), what's stopping you?  What are the things that are holding you back?

Have you made your list?  Now, at the top of this list, write the following title:  EXCUSES. I know, many of you are already protesting and want to explain to me why your reasons are totally legitimate.  I don't doubt that they are.  We all have legitimate excuses, but if we really want to get  the life we've just described, we have to find a way to eliminate the answers to number three.  The hard truth is that if you keep doing what you are currently doing, in 5 years, we'll find that nothing has changed.  You will still be HERE, and THERE will still be 5 years away.

One of the BEST ways to get out of your own way and eliminate excuses is in a group setting with the support of others (a team environment).  If your vision for yourself includes becoming physically healthy and finding balance in your roles as mom, wife, and self, I'd like to invite you to my 50 Day Shrink While You Grow Challenge.  I'll help you to shrink physically while you grow personally.  We'll re-shape your body and re-program your mind, and at the end of the 50 days you'll be on track to have the life you envision! 

For details check:  http://www.coach-carrie.com/Services.html

The Power of an Hour

What could you accomplish if you could add just one more hour to your day?  Could you squeeze in that workout you never seem to have time for?  Maybe you would find the time to read or journal.  What if I told you that you can have that extra hour (or more), every day?  You can!  I'll tell you the secret...

Step 1: Set your alarm for one hour (or more) earlier than you currently get out of bed.
Step 2:  Get out of bed when it goes off.
Step 3: Use the time for what you intend it to be.

Step 3 is the hard part.  But do it.  You'll thank me later.  Just get out of bed.  I promise you will be a more productive person for your effort.

There is a natural tendency among many of my clients to argue "Well, you are a morning person.  I could never do that.  I am more productive at night."  This may be true.  I am a morning person, and I tend to be the most productive before noon. But, I assure you, I wasn't always setting my alarm for 4:00 AM.  The hard truth is that the way you START your day matters.  It sets the tone for everything that follows.  I start my day by honoring the needs of my soul. I "fill myself up" in the mornings so that I can pour my best self into the day.

4:00 AM is uncomfortably early even for me (although this morning I got out of bed at 3:45), but I've learned that my days are better if I can manage to get 2 full hours (or more) of "me time" before the kids get up.  I get my quiet time, my workout, and one or two other things in and start the day feeling whole; like I have nourished my soul.  When I feel this way, there is more of me to give to my kids, my husband, and everyone else I encounter during the day.  If I were to wait until the end of the day to get my "me time," it would most likely be spent unwinding.  I may go to bed feeling more balanced and whole, but the rest of the world would miss out on it, and I would have missed out on the increased productivity that is a natural result of starting my day with scheduled "me time."

Just try it for a week.  You can start with a half-hour if you like, but set the alarm, and get out of bed.  Notice how much more peace this one little habit brings to your busy life.   I promise, it's not that hard once you just make it a habit.  Commit to giving yourself some morning "me" time.  You deserve it!

Re-Parenting Myself

"I love and approve of myself".  This is an affirmation that I have found incredibly helpful over the past several years.  One of the most important things about this statement, when I first started to use it, was the realization that I didn't believe it.  It wasn't true for me.  Maybe I loved myself on some level, but self approval was something I definitely lacked. And the love I had for myself seemed tied to achievement; it was conditional. Like most of us, I felt like I wasn't enough, like I should be doing better or more than I was.  But why?

Let me start by stating up front, that I have FANTASTIC parents.  I am so grateful to them for being exactly who they are.  However, surely, the way I was parented had something to do with my feeling if insecurity, of not being enough.  But did they ever say this to me?  Did they try to motivate me with comments like "You can do better than that" or "Carrie, it's just not good enough"?  On the contrary!  I grew up in the "Good Job" generation.  I was parented with positive reinforcement.  So why, then, did I achieve my way through childhood and young adulthood, only to feel unworthy, and like an impostor in my own life?  And why was it so hard for me to approve of myself?

Alfie Kohn suggests that my feelings of emptiness and unworthiness are directly related to the positive reinforcement I received as a child. It's definitely food for thought.  http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/15/health/15mind.html?_r=2

Yet there is no need for me to BLAME my parents for my insecurity.  My task in adulthood is to re-parent myself. Once I became conscious of the fact that I didn't approve of myself, my job was to learn how to do this.  And as it turned out, it was easier than you might think.  It took some introspection, and some deliberate re-wiring of my own thought patters, but saying, writing, and allowing myself to feel "I love and approve of myself" has truly helped.  As I write this, I still struggle with bouts of self doubt and insecurity, but I absolutely love and approve of myself on a very deep and fundamental level.  I realize that I am complete and lovable as I am, and that I am worthy of love and approval from others.  It took a little work, but it was completely worth the journey.

If this post has resonated with you, and you live in or near Huntington Beach, California, I encourage you to join me for the Mommy-Mind Makeover on February 16th at 7:30 PM.  It's $45 and all proceeds go to North Huntington Beach Community Nursery School, an amazing little Co-Op preschool that supports the philosophy of unconditional parenting (http://nhbcns.org/NHBCNS/Welcome.html ).  For specifics, email me at carrie@coach-carrie.com .

It's the Little Things!

What's the expression?  "Rome wasn't built in a day?"  I am a BIG VISION person, and have a tendency to get really excited about possibilities.  While I am grateful for my ability to continually expand my vision of what is possible, I often struggle with what to do in the now, and this can lead to frustration, procrastination, and sometimes even giving up.    I can see the future, but have trouble seeing how to get there from here.  I know it is possible, but I just can't see the HOW. So, I must remind myself, that Rome wasn't built in a day.  Vision is crucial (one must know where they are going if they can ever expect to get there), but it's not the most critical component to success.

You see, anyone with a dream can have vision.  They can see what is possible.  But what separates the dreamers from the achievers?  It's the little things.  Achievers move daily in the direction of their dreams.  They create habits for success.  Dreamers dream and dream, while achievers dream and do.

So, what's your dream?  Whether is is losing 20 lbs, running a marathon, or building a business from scratch, it's the little things that will make the difference.  What daily disciplines will help you get there? 

My friend Angela has a terrific blog called Habit-Forming Success (http://habitformingsuccess.blogspot.com), where she's starting a new series called Small Changes =Big Results.  She'll spend 21 days gently reminding us to do the little things, and I suggest that we all follow.  Sometimes our dreams seem too big, too impossible, but as the little things begin  to build on eachother, our vision comes into focus, and dreams become reality.

So, lets follow Angela's blog together, and commit to making small changes (little things) in order to get big results!

http://habitformingsuccess.blogspot.com