Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Know Thyself

As many of you know, I am currently running a group for recent college graduates who want to get clearer about their purpose, and feel confident about the next step on their path.  I am so inspired (already) by their incredible potential, and am honored to help them to reach it.

One of the common themes in this group is, "I know what I'm good at, but I don't know what I love."  As I was pondering how to address this, I came across a great blog post by Angela Charles.  She is currently doing a series on relationships, and this article, entitled Don't Lose Yourself really speaks to the importance of knowing what you love as a means to better know who you are. After you read Angela's article, take a minute to get reacquainted wit the things you love.  Make a list.  If you can't think of anything from your current set of circumstances, write down what you loved as a child.  Just taking the time to make a list will help to move you closer to your true purpose. Enjoy:

Don't Lose Yourself

By Angela Charles

So often we throw ourselves in to our relationships only to find that when they end, it’s like WE have ended too! “Who am I without (insert ex’s name)?” You are still YOU! With out without him/her!

This applies to marriage too. It’s a fine line. On the one hand you want to give it your “all” (this does not mean sell yourself like a slave to your spouse - it does mean be ”all in” emotionally though). On the other hand, you still need to have boundaries and interests outside the marriage.

As mentioned previously in the series (Day 1, Day 2, and Day 3), guys and girls are just different! (Can I get an amen?)! We have different needs and it is crucial to continuing getting our needs met in the best way possible, despite being madly in love.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately… My brilliant hubby is in law school at Duke. Right now he’s in the middle of finals, before that he was in the middle of moot court competition and after finals he’ll be involved in the big writing competition on campus. It never ends! We just moved out to North Carolina in August and have been pretty dependent on each other for a while now as we’re just getting to know our new community here. But now with school in full swing, he constantly has stuff going on (and he’s actually the introverted one between us)! I am craving contact with people! So here’s my other dilemma: I met some fabulous girlfriends from the law school who I would love to hang out with while my husband is busy… but the problem is, they are all busy with the exact same things! It’s a pickle.

So it’s gotten me thinking… I need to reacquaint myself with… myself! I actually do have hobbies and interests outside of just hanging out with him (although that’s my favorite extra curricular activity)! My husband’s crazy schedule would never have hit me as hard as it has, if I had more of my own stuff going on!

Over the past few weeks, I have been trying to turn over a new leaf and remember all of the things I love doing apart from my husband. I didn’t marry him till I turned 30 for crying out loud, so I had plenty of time to figure out me first! Here is what I am remembering about myself:

* I love to workout! I just feel better when I exercise and now that I have more time, I am trying to work out 3-5 days a week.
* I love to cook. One of my goals for the summer is to perfect a salsa/pico de gallo recipe.
* I love to read. After grad school I could hardly bring myself to pick up a book and read it for fun… I was so over it! But now, some time has passed and I am rediscovering my love of reading.
* I love God, friends and family. While my friends here are busy I can focus on maintaining my relationships from home, skype with the fam and spend quiet times with God.
* I love to volunteer. Recently I have been volunteering some coaching hours and I’d like to add some more volunteering to my schedule as well.

It is CRUCIAL to maintain a sense of self even while in relationship! Remember all the things you love to do, remember your close friends and family and just know… if things ever go downhill with your special someone (either a nasty fight or a even breakup), your friends are gonna be the ones there to comfort you!

For more information on coaching groups or finding your purpose,  please join my mailing list at www.coach-carrie.com


  1. This year I have been making a concerted effort to do many of the things that make me happy. In previous years, I would do one thing (to the exclusion of all else) because that's all I felt I had time for but since January, I feel like I have much more of a balance. This makes me happy :O)

  2. Emma, that's awesome! Finding that balance is so important. Never forget who you are and what makes you happy! :)